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This article is part of The Blind Mice Report. This satirical series was created to promote news reading, digital literacy and interest in current affairs. Believing this article is like believing that your GPA will increase this semester.
MARYLAND — The recent breakthrough discovery on SWP-10 has reignited the debate about the possibility that stupidity is a disease. The protein found only in the brains of anti-vaxxers and flat-earthers has strikingly similar behaviour to the protein behind Mad Cow Disease.
Researchers have cautioned that more investigations are still required for a conclusion to be made. However, speculations remain rife in both scientific and pseudo-scientific communities.
It is still not known if the relationship between the newfound protein and stupidity is that of causation or correlation. Some in the scientific community opines that it is not empirical to define stupidity as people who believe in anti-vaccines and flat earth. These views, however, are in the minority.
“We all know that these groups of people are idiots. This is one of the few rare examples in science where no evidence is needed,” said a prominent psychologist claiming to represent the views of the majority scientific community
Reactions from the pseudo-scientific community were less than welcoming. Many vehemently opposed the findings, claiming it to be rigged by “Big Pharma” and “Libtard know-it-alls” who are trying to suppress the real truth.
Jenny McCarthy, a long time anti-vaccine advocate said, “Just because we believe in something that is not evidence base does not mean that we are wrong. Take religion for an example. Who are you to say these people are wrong?” She also added that having the SWP-10 protein may be a good thing, as it means that anti-vaxxers have one more natural product in their body as compared to vaccinated people who only have toxic mercury in them.
Vocalis has reached out to multiple flat earth organisations for comments, but to no avail. An unsurprising response given that members in these organisations are often either getting stoned on delusion or wearing tinfoil hats with no access to Wi-Fi.
Regardless of the debate, researchers at the John Hopkins University School of Medicine are not taking any chances. Led by the veteran Sugondese scientist Professor L.G. Ma, a team of doctorate students are now trying to develop a rapid diagnostic kit to detect the stupidity-associated protein.
The new study was announced by the professor in a press conference today.
“With the upcoming Flat Earth International Conference happening in November, there is an urgent need to identify and isolate affected subjects before this potential disease spreads. This is a race against time.”
