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This article is part of The Blind Mice Report. This satirical series was created to promote news reading, digital literacy and interest in current affairs. Believing this article is like believing that your GPA will increase this semester.
Winning with a vote count equivalent to the cumulative total of Istanbul and Madrid during the IOC elections over the Summer 2021 Olympic rights, Tokyo brazenly declared at the after-party that they would surely “re-invent the wheel” of the Olympic. Six years later, this commitment is coming through with a shocking announcement made by honorary chairman Fujio Mitarai during the recent UN 2019 Global Quarterly debate on animated child pornography.
Mr Mitarai shared during his speech, “Let’s face it, E-Sports has seen massive growth in popularity over the years and has proven itself to be a lucrative market. Nowadays, nerds are the new Chads. Virginity, which was once a social stigma, is simply the new epic. That is why we are happy to announce that the computer game Minecraft is one of the five new IOC approved sports to be introduced during the 2021 Summer Olympics.”
Minecraft is a sandbox video game created by Swedish game developer Markus Persson and released by Mojang in 2011. It currently sits with an impressive player base of 91 million nerds, second only to League of Legends. While known for its creative and cooperative gameplay, Minecraft has also introduced a competitive arena with well-known game modes like ‘Hunger Games’.
Despite receiving overwhelming support from Gen Zs and younger millennials, a quick survey by a Buzzfeed intern showed that audience 40 years and older were not too happy with this arrangement.
“Since ancient times, the Olympics has been a test of raw physical strength, mental prowess and spiritual willpower. The only thing E-sports test is how much can a child disappoint his fathers.” Several of the unhappy had even banded together to create Indiegogo petitions in an attempt to pressure the IOC. However, the Olympic Committee has not shown any signs of reversing its decision – probably because the wrong platform has been used.
Minecraft enthusiast Felix Kjellberg shared on popular social networking platform Reddit that he was happy that Minecraft is now a recognised Olympic sport, just as it deserves to be. “I just sure hope that the Olympic Minecraft does not include any Battle Royale mechanics. Well even if it is, I sure am glad that Fortnite isn’t going to be in the Olympics anytime soon”. The above comment by Mr Kjellberg had received 420 thousand upvotes on Reddit.”
Honorary chairman Fujio Mitarai has been scheduled to make an official follow-up on the Summer 2021 Olympic status this October. The world now eagerly awaits for further updates on how the Minecraft game will be specifically carried out during the Olympics.
